How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He passed out mid-signature
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
