My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
