I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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