when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
