I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize