you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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