his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Is Oprah even human
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
