Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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