There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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