I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
