glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
