I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
