So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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