We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
