if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
