hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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