I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
