I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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