I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
