Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
