I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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