i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
