Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
