It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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