Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
