Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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