I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
