Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
