If that was your dad, he is hot
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
