its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
that is very illegal...i love you.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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