Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
