the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
