I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
