What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
