My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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