Just cropdusted the office
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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