your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
