i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
