whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
