Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
