just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
