I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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