Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize