How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Also, beer. Big fan.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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