At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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