I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize