Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize