He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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