I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
