he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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