I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Come back. Shots need mouths.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
