my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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