Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
