hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize