So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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