It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize