before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
