its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
