just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
