i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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