I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
