There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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