So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
