It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
