dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
