Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Randomize
