You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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