I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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