He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
